


This War We Wage

by flipflop_diva



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Peggy Carter as the Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-25 23:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12046227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: Natasha first heard about the Winter Soldier when she was nine years ago. The name was whispered on the tongues of the Red Room girls older and far more experienced than her, spoken about in a revered sort of fashion when they claimed the Soldier had never once failed a mission, had never once left a target alive, had never once not gotten what she came for.





	This War We Wage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Netgirl_y2k](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Netgirl_y2k/gifts).



Natasha first heard about the Winter Soldier when she was nine years ago. The name was whispered on the tongues of the Red Room girls older and far more experienced than her, spoken about in a revered sort of fashion when they claimed the Soldier had never once failed a mission, had never once left a target alive, had never once not gotten what she came for.

The stories Natasha heard whispered amongst the other girls told of someone to be admired, of someone to be respected, of someone they should strive to be just like.

••• 

Natasha first met the Winter Soldier when she was thirteen years old. The Red Room often brought in guest trainers for their lessons. They wanted them to be prepared to fight anyone at any time.

The Winter Soldier was nothing like Natasha expected her to be. She had imagined someone larger than life, strong and intimidating. 

Instead the Winter Soldier was quite the opposite. She was beautiful, Natasha thought, perhaps the most striking woman she had ever seen. She looked small, only a few inches taller than she was. And she looked like she could be defeated with one punch.

The only thing that stood out was the arm made of metal that took the place of where her left hand once was.

The Winter Soldier had the girls line up before her. One by one, they were called up. One by one, they were told to attack. One by one, they failed.

Natasha was last in line. She watched all the other girls carefully, took careful notes of what they did wrong. 

They went for the easy hit, she concluded. They were too slow. The size and stature of the Winter Soldier put them at ease when they shouldn’t have relaxed at all.

When Natasha’s name was called, she walked forward, took her spot opposite the Winter Soldier. When her Red Room instructor nodded at her, the signal to go, she didn’t moved, just studied the woman in front of her.

She remembered the stories, the things the other girls had said — “A living weapon,” they had called her — and she knew the only way to survive was to not be caught by the metal hand.

Natasha was the fastest of all the girls in the Red Room by then. She could use it to her advantage. She darted forward, finally, racing toward the Winter Soldier. She leveraged her body to leap at the woman, to hit her leg with her own feet, propelling her upward so she land on the Winter Soldier’s back, wrap her legs around her neck.

She lifted her arm once she had landed, the knife in her hand ready to plunge into the Winter Soldier’s neck, but she, too, missed how fast the Soldier was.

The hand that gripped her around the waist was tighter than anything she had ever experienced. She tried to wriggle, but there was nothing she could do as she was tossed like a rag doll across the room, landing hard on her own arm, the sickening sound of bone crunching beneath her.

She stared up in horror at the Winter Soldier, waiting for the woman to advance on her and do something worse — so many of the girls in line before her had been taken away unconscious or screaming in pain — but the Winter Soldier didn’t move. Instead, her dark eyes met Natasha’s and she seemed to be looking deep into her.

Natasha dropped her eyes, breaking the eye contact and stumbling to her feet. She didn’t look back as her instructors pointed her into the other room, scowling at her for her defeat.

•••

The second time Natasha met the Winter Soldier it was only for a few quick seconds. She was on a mission for SHIELD, helping to secure an asset’s safety by getting him out of the country.

They never made it. 

The vehicle that pushed theirs off the road came out of nowhere. She barely had time to react, just enough to throw herself over the engineer as the jeep they were in tumbled over and over down a hill.

It took a few seconds after they came to a stop for her to regain her senses, to pull the engineer she had been guarding out of the jeep, but it was a few seconds too long.

She turned around, covering the engineer, only to find the Winter Soldier standing before her. She was as breathtaking as she had been when Natasha was thirteen. She looked just as unassuming as she did then. The only difference were her eyes. The last time, when the Soldier had looked at Natasha, Natasha had seen something in them. This time they were empty, almost lifeless.

The Winter Soldier raised her flesh hand, the pistol pointed at Natasha, who stood firm, knowing the engineer was safe behind her.

Then came the sound of the shot firing, and the white searing pain of the bullet ripping through her abdomen.

The world spun, and before she even hit the ground, she knew the engineer was dead. And that she probably was, too.

When she woke, hours later, in a military hospital, Coulson and Clint beside her, she had no idea why the Winter Soldier had let her live.

•••

She had told her stories to Steve in a whispered rush while they argued over the flash drive back at the hospital. She told him a little more detail during the car ride to Jersey. But she left out the part of how the Winter Soldier looked at her.

Sometimes at night, when Natasha felt safe enough to really sleep, to dream, she had nightmares, and in those nightmares, those eyes were always looking at her. 

Steve hadn’t needed to know that part. He just needed to know who the Winter Soldier was, what they were facing, how Natasha didn’t think there was any way to defeat her.

But that had been before. Before the Winter Soldier had found them. Before they had all battled there in the streets. Before the mask the Winter Soldier always wore had slipped off and her full face was on display.

Before Natasha, and Steve, knew that Peggy Carter and the Winter Soldier were one in the same. Before they knew that saving SHIELD meant destroying the woman who Steve loved.

“What am I going to do?” he asked her that night, misery in his voice, but all Natasha could do was shake her head and squeeze his hand.

She had looked into those eyes when she was thirteen years old. She knew if Steve couldn’t end this that she had, too.

But the problem was, she didn’t know if she could do it either. But she also didn’t think she had a choice.


End file.
